you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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