you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
