So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
