I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
