I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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