I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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