those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
