I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
