did you get engaged???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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