and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i out mim tonsoeep
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