Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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