I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
