Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
