I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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