it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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