I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize