I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
