Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
