Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
