also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
