I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
