i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
