if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
