I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
