hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
