he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
