Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
