He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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