I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
