For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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