Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
