I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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