Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
