I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
