New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
