but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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