highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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