omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize