It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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