We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
