five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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