guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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