I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
