Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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