wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
