so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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