Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
