he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize