Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
