hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
