I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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