sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
