summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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