Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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