I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we made out on top of his cat.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize