Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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