yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize