Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
