I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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