You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
