i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
