I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she peed on how many people?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
