i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
