We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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