The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
