shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
