Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
