Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
