I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize