I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
