white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
