I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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