If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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