Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
